Commitment

I don’t have commitment issues when it comes to people. I have a handful of close friends and have been with my boyfriend for almost four years. I think its safe to say, that when it comes to people, if I care about someone, I’ll commit to the relationship and try to be the best friend or girlfriend that I can be. Obviously not the 20’s housewife ‘would you like your slippers and pipe?’ kind of good girlfriend, and I refrain from being the overbearing OMG BFF with my friends. I just mean that I treat them how I’d like to be treat, with support, compassion and general caring.

However I do have commitment issues with every other aspect of my life. If I’m not good at something, I’ll probably quit or avoid it like the plague. This is kind of why the blog exists, because not only that, but sometimes I won’t make decisions or put myself forward for things because I think ‘well what if I don’t like it?’ or wonder if something better will magically land in my lap. I’m terrified of regretting a bad decision. I never used to be like that, and it’s probably the reason I’m faced with my year out – because I was scared that work experience would be too stressful or I’d regret the direction it was going in.

I’ve had a great two days with my boyfriend. He lives out of town and as he works in quite small shifts and I don’t work at all and only used to have uni to contend with, we normally spend two full days a week together. I met him from work, we went to the cinema and for something to eat and then just slobbed out in front of the telly. We sometimes go to the gym together, but we really couldn’t be arsed to get the bus today, so went for a run. This was scary in itself. I normally just jog along slowly, or next to my sister who is slightly less fit than me and goes my speed. So jogging next to someone fitter with longer strides for a longer distance was intimidating! I had a bit of a panic that I couldn’t do it half way round and had a small walk to get my breath back, but then I kept running after him to catch him up. I figured that if I walked again, he’s only be waiting longer for me and I had to try. I’m not sure of the distance. I’m certain it was less than 2 miles as it took less than half an hour, but as I normally go in intervals and give up and walk home, I was amazed. I’d done it!

However there was one small problem. I’ve had my trainers a few years and they’ve never been epic to run in, but the last few times, my shins have really ached after. It was promptly pointed out to me that this is not normal and I should get some proper running trainers. Without time to think, I made the snap decision to go to Sports Direct there and then and buy them with the money I had in my purse from my mam. (She felt sorry for me having to pay for a fourth driving test so gave me the money for it.) So there was my first commitment of the day. A commitment to run, else I’ll have wasted a fair bit of money!

The next one was of a different nature and equally doesn’t seem like a big deal to anyone but me, but I’ve been trying to get another school placement for work experience and the volunteer co-ordinator at uni is taking his sweet time about it. Today I got a text from the volunteer service asking people if they were interested into going into a school once a week for six weeks to work as a mentor and promote higher education. The school would take me either two or three busses to get to and I have no idea when I would start, what day it would be on and I’ve heard the school is a bit rough. But I replied expressing my interest, and am actually really hoping it comes to something! It’s exactly the kind of work experience I need to reapply for a teaching course. Besides, I went to a rough school, and after thinking about it, would quite like the challenge of working somewhere a bit more difficult. It’s only for six days over six weeks. What’s the worst that could happen?

These things don’t sound big, but when I normally worry over the smallest detail and how it would affect me, it’s quite good progress! As for the trainers, I picked a pair that at least looks pretty and I actually want to run in. 

Incentive to improve!